Friendship Based on Virtue
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English translation
Original Chinese text
万章问曰:“敢问友。”孟子曰:“不挟长,不挟贵,不挟兄弟而友。友也者,友其德也,不可以有挟也。孟献子,百乘之家也,有友五人焉:乐正裘、牧仲,其三人则予忘之矣。献子之与此五人者友也,无献子之家者也。此五人者亦有献子之家,则不与之友矣。非惟百乘之家为然也,虽小国之君亦有之。费惠公曰:‘吾于子思则师之矣,吾于颜般则友之矣,王顺、长息,则事我者也。’非惟小国之君为然也,虽大国之君亦有之。晋平公之于亥唐也,入云则入,坐云则坐,食云则食。虽疏食菜羹,未尝不饱,盖不敢不饱也。然终于此而已矣,弗与共天位也,弗与治天职也,弗与食天禄也。士之尊贤者也,非王公之尊贤也。舜尚见帝,帝馆甥于贰室,亦飨舜,迭为宾主,是天子而友匹夫也。用下敬上,谓之贵贵;用上敬下,谓之尊贤。贵贵、尊贤,其义一也。”
English translation
Wan Zhang asked, “May I ask what it means to be a friend?” Mencius said, “Do not rely on age, rank, or the influence of powerful relatives. Friendship means valuing the other person’s virtue; it must involve no such leverage. Meng Xianzi, lord of a state with a hundred chariots, had five friends—including Yuezheng Qiu and Mu Zhong; I have forgotten the other three. Their friendship was not based on Meng Xianzi’s powerful household or status; had they relied on his family standing, it would not have been friendship grounded in virtue. This was true not only of a lord with a hundred chariots, but even of rulers of small states. Duke Hui of Fei said, ‘I treated Zisi as my teacher and Yan Ban as my friend; Wang Shun and Changxi served me.’ Nor was this limited to small-state rulers. Duke Ping of Jin obeyed Hai Tang’s invitations: entering, sitting, and eating when told. Even with coarse rice and vegetable soup, he never failed to eat his fill, for he did not dare do otherwise. Yet he went no further: he did not share the ruler’s position with Hai Tang, involve him in governing, or give him the ruler’s stipend. This was a scholar’s way of honoring the worthy, not the full way a lord or king should honor them. When Shun visited Emperor Yao, Yao lodged his son-in-law in a secondary palace and entertained him; they took turns as host and guest. Thus the Son of Heaven befriended a common man. When a person of lower rank honors one above, that is honoring rank; when one above honors a worthy person below, that is honoring virtue. The principles are the same.”