Friendship Based on Virtue

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Wan Zhang asked, “May I ask what it means to be a friend?” Mencius said, “Do not rely on age, rank, or the influence of powerful relatives. Friendship means valuing the other person’s virtue; it must involve no such leverage. Meng Xianzi, lord of a state with a hundred chariots, had five friends—including Yuezheng Qiu and Mu Zhong; I have forgotten the other three. Their friendship was not based on Meng Xianzi’s powerful household or status; had they relied on his family standing, it would not have been friendship grounded in virtue. This was true not only of a lord with a hundred chariots, but even of rulers of small states. Duke Hui of Fei said, ‘I treated Zisi as my teacher and Yan Ban as my friend; Wang Shun and Changxi served me.’ Nor was this limited to small-state rulers. Duke Ping of Jin obeyed Hai Tang’s invitations: entering, sitting, and eating when told. Even with coarse rice and vegetable soup, he never failed to eat his fill, for he did not dare do otherwise. Yet he went no further: he did not share the ruler’s position with Hai Tang, involve him in governing, or give him the ruler’s stipend. This was a scholar’s way of honoring the worthy, not the full way a lord or king should honor them. When Shun visited Emperor Yao, Yao lodged his son-in-law in a secondary palace and entertained him; they took turns as host and guest. Thus the Son of Heaven befriended a common man. When a person of lower rank honors one above, that is honoring rank; when one above honors a worthy person below, that is honoring virtue. The principles are the same.”

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